The Elusive Happy Place

I woke up feeling tired and angry this morning. Tired because I didn't sleep enough. Just plain angry over EVERYTHING. I have friends and have heard of teachers who have all kinds of methods to make it through the day. Valium, pot, whatever. I was thinking of taking some dexedrine that I have left over from another time, but it's old and I'm not sure how it would impact me at the end of the day. It's slightly addictive and there is a crash when you come off of it. But it would make me happy.

I decided to up the dose of the antidepressant I have been taking. It helped a little, but I was still unhappy. I still cried after school. In front of a student when she said I looked stressed. I cried because some of the kids asked the accompanist to sign their yearbooks, but not me. One kid asked me, though.

I took a nap after school for 2 hours.

Shopping to Find the Happy Place

When the principal came by to let me know the concert was cancelled, I was devastated and in tears.

Gina: Wow, MissD, you look upset. I know why and I feel really bad for you.
I didn't address the why, but she had told me before that she had heard a rumor that I wasn't coming back. She probably thinks I was fired at that moment. She doesn't know how complicated it all really is.
Gina: MissD, you should go shopping, it will make you feel better.

today------------------------
MissD: Gina, I did go shopping last night and you're right, it did help.
Gina: I told you! She smiled.
Gina: You should have seen MissD on Friday. She was buying these blue high heels. My mom was like,wow, I would trip in those.
MissD: I actually returned those because they didn't match my dress.
Gina: But your dress is blue you said.
MissD: But not the right shade.
Gina: I think MissD was going to wear them for a date.
MissD: Yes, that's right. I walked on tip toes like I was modeling on a catwalk.
Bernie: Go MissD!!

I haven't quite found the Happy Place, but shopping was a really nice distraction.