Monday, June 16, 2008

I Lost It

This morning I still had a headache. I won't come to school early ever again--it makes me irritable. It's outrageous that no one EVER is sure to mention that there will be an overlap in the schedule such that I will have junior high and high school kids together at the same time. I planned to tell one of my choirs that I'm not coming back. I don't want to tell the junior high kids yet, not until tomorrow. So I was stuck and panicked and angry that I get the shaft every time. I lost it with the office manager.

Then I lost it with a kid not much longer after. He had been goofing off on his skateboard INSIDE. He asked:
WHat would happen if I didn't take the final?
I would string up up by your toes like a kosher pig. But what would really happen is that you would get an F.

I just wanted to scare him into working though I don't think I picked the best way. Imagine that, tell your teacher you don't want to take you final. Imagine me losing it with a kid like that. I would take the day off tomorrow if I could. I'm just going to take it easy, tell the chamber choir that they are on their own for next year. I told my girls that they were going to be the top choir next year. They were proud but sad. They all hugged me, the ones who were most against me at times hugged me the hardest. I'm sad and I cried in front of them. How much pressure can one person take?


The Dotterel said...

If it's any consolation, kids here in the UK (I know, we're all supposed to be polite etc.) are no better. In our case, it stems (I think) from a blame-the-teacher culture which basically leads them (and their parents) to believe that if they fail, it's the teacher's fault. Therefore motivating them, getting them to achieve what they are capable of, becomes a sort-of game (and there's only one loser - teacher!).