That Family Feeling (1st day back)

My school went through the WASC accreditation visit while I was out sick. The committee went on and on about the welcome they received and the family feeling of the campus. After all I have been through lately, the only family feeling I have is of being a foster child who is about to go to another home. It made me sick to my stomach. While everyone else was happy and congratulating each other, I felt ready to throw up. I left without speaking to anyone. I just don't have the energy to deal with this any more.

I know that's mean. Congrats to them. I didn't understand the process or my role in it because I was so caught up in my own world of trying to survive a year of going between two campuses and all the other crazy stuff I have endured. I could only think of the people I liked and had worked on forming relationships with that I won't be around to develop. I understand now why teachers might be a little distant with first year teachers. They never know who will be back next year.

I also thought about the students who were so sweet about me coming back.
Miss D, the committee came and we had to sing. No accompanist, no director.
Miss D, we were really worried about you.
Miss D, where have you been?
Miss D, you owe us donuts.

(WASC stands for the Western Association of Schools and Colleges. Until this year I didn't know that they also dealt with high schools. But not all high schools have a WASC accreditation)

Last Sick Day

I'm taking horse sized pills and still coughing a little lung butter. This the first time I have ever taken so many days off since I was in high school myself. I missed a whole week because of a stomach flu. My friends thought I was ditching because I had a little bit of a reputation for that. Well, I should also count 2 other bouts with bronchitis and 1 bout of tonsilitis. In any case, it's rare.

I do want to go back and face the music, so to speak. I was going to use the time my accompanist was away for team building activities and teaching them how to get on and off the risers again. I'm thinking of offering to replace their gum if they throw it out.

I still felt pretty gross yesterday. Today I MIGHT have been able to handle school, but figured it was best to give me and my horse pills one more day. Dang, when I was a student teacher I saw other teachers going skiing and having fun on their "sick" days.

Another Sick Day

I wasn't feeling well at all on Thursday, but felt like I had to go to school because of meetings. Yes, the meeting with the principal.

I was barely hanging on by a thread. My students got really concerned.
Gina: Miss D, are you OK?
MissD: Not really. I feel like I can't breathe.
Gina: Do you have a fever?
Instantly, her high school hand was on my forehead.
Gina: No, you don't have a fever.
Izzy: Miss D, you should sit down.
Gina: Look, you're even wearing a pretty color today.
MissD: Yes, I did it for you. You guys always give me such a bad time about wearing black.

I felt gross. But they were so sweet. It touched my heart.

I wouldn't have made it without my accompanist today. She came a little bit later than class started because we were on a different schedule today.

I took Friday off and now Monday I won't be going in. I've seriously had a cough for a month now. I was so happy until the car accident and then it seems like that triggered everything falling apart.

The Mother of All Migraines

Miss D, where were you yesterday?

I was in bed with a migraine. I was seeing tunnels of light and stars. It would have been pretty if it didn't hurt so much.

I've been having strong and frequent migraines since the car accident. Unfortunately, my migraine has turned into a 3 day event, this is day 3. Going to see my doctor for an adjustment to my neck sort of helped, but I was still confused at 1pm, nauseous at 2pm and crying at 4 pm. The janotor brought me water and a choice of alleve and tylenol in those small foil packets. I thanked him profusely. We've forged an odd friendship. Don't tell, but I took all of them.

The stress of the day didn't help. You see, my 3 day event had really bad timing. Grades were due. I was slammed with phone call after phone call. My grades were sent back because I didn't fill them out right. I did my best, but I really could barely think.

I still have to do grades for my other school first thing in the morning. I should have been there yesterday, but sometimes you just CAN'T and that's why there are substitute teachers.

We had a BTSA meeting this afternoon. Other first year teachers go through the same kind of stresses. I felt better knowing that I'm not alone.

The principal wants to see me tomorrow. I hate the sense of dread that goes with that. I feel like I'm in trouble with everyone for something that I could barely help. I'm pretty sure I'll be having to look for a new job for next year.