Wreck-ommendation

I asked the principal at the high school for a letter of recommendation. I had no idea he would end up explaining every detail of what the old choir teacher did to make my job a living hell for me. Oh, he also said I was energetic, really knew my subject matter and had no doubt of my success at another job where I wasn't being actively sabotaged.

Ummm. Wow. I try to talk about it as little as possible.

I say things like:
It wasn't a fit.
The old teacher took them to China.
He was a hard act to follow.
No one was ready for a new choir teacher.
I wasn't really prepared to teach piano, though I adapted to the situation.
I want to work for just one school rather than two.
I prefer working with high school or junior high (depending on the interview).

Funny, one of my issues all along has been this piano monkey on my back. Well, he didn't mention the piano class either. Everyone forgets about it.

Disaster Drill

We had an evacuation drill and well, let's just say it didn't go perfectly. There were 10 things that were addressed by the Principal at the junior high. I wonder though, if they couldn't have just told me where to go instead of posting it this way:

8. Choir students did not evacuate to the appropriate location, clarification about high school vs. middle school evacuation needs to occur through careful review of each site's plan.

I was thoroughly annoyed. So I sent an email her express myself:

The choir students were in the right place according to the map--of course I was assuming that our place was "Mr. M" by the containers. I didn't see "CHOIR" or "MISS D". The drill was originally supposed to be in the morning when I have HS students. I was given their information in a timely fashion and was ready for that plan. When plans change, it's important to give those of us who go between two campuses a little heads up--especially when someone is new. Also, I don't hear bells for either campus when I am in my room.

Thanks,
MissD

Communication problems ARE one of many of my issues with this job. I didn't hear back from her and I doubt they will remember this to tell the new teacher since everything was clearly MY fault.

Lollipop

One of the songs my little group of girls sang was Lollipop. The secretary told us she bought a lollipop for us to give to the Principal. It was cute.

After we sang and a counselor I hate rushed to cut us off after our set, I announced:

Before we wrap up, we have a retirement lollipop to present to Dr. P. It says Work Sucks.

Today I realized the IRONY of me presenting that to him. I think work here sucks too!!

Going Out in Style

Tonight was the retirement party for the principal at the high school. We always got along well and he feels sympathetic toward my situation. He agreed to write a letter of recommendation for me, though I already listed him as a reference and maybe that's good enough for now. In any case, I wanted to give him the gift of song. A lot of girls said they were coming, but then only 5 showed up. I sang one of the solos. A girl who wasn't even in my class sang another solo. I covered another solo, another girl's solo became even longer than it was originally. When I realized it was only going to be five of us, I told the girls, We're getting an authentic experience here. Those groups back then had one person on each part. We did well for such a small group. I dropped the alto part for most of the songs and we just sang two parts. I've learned to live with disappointment at this school.

The principal was very appreciative and introduced me to his family. He also gave me a hug. It meant a lot to him that we showed up and sang 50s music for his 50s party. That had been what I envisioned all along, but for my choir. It was supposed to be a fund raiser. I decided not to go with that idea when they told me I wouldn't be back next year. Maybe at the next school I go to things will be different.

Concert Cancelled

The principal from the high school came to me to tell me something important. I thought it would be about something else...

HSPrincipal: MissD, I've decided to cancel the concert.
MissD: But 2nd period is doing so well.
HSPrincipal: I don't want them to do anything that would embarrass you, and I'm concerned that they will. So, cancelling the concert.

I should have protested.
But the junior high is sounding really good!
But I was just assigning solos today!

I don't know what brilliant principal would visit you in the middle of a choir rehearsing to let you know that he had decided to cancel the concert, but that's what he did.

The end result was me sitting in my office staring at the wall, crying, listening to my accompanist finish warmups and start a song.

I tried to go out there, and face my choir to rehearse them anyway. I couldn't. I turned around and went back to my office to repeat what I had just been doing. My accompanist came to ask me what she should do. Piano. I answered.

I had hoped that they would pull together for this concert, but maybe something is amiss. Something has been all year.

Accomp: They shouldn't have come in the middle of your class.
MissD: Yeah, well, it's basically been like this all year with them doing stuff last minute like this. Telling me about concerts at the last minute, etc. I wish the next person the best of luck.

I wonder if the accompanist wants the job after all she has seen. She often tells me she is a better teacher, has years of experience and a teachign credential. She makes me feel bad, but could she have really done better? Could she do better next year? I wonder.

Wits End

It's no secret that it's hard to replace a choir teacher that was there for 10 years, even if they weren't very popular. But the teacher I replaced was very popular... and that makes it way worse.

Today's classes were really awful. I decided to talk to the pricipal because I was at the point of tears. The position I have now isn't the position I was sold and things have been going on a downhill slide. My accompanist is, quite frankly, a major source of discouragement to me. She said, I can tell you right now, if I were the teacher, they wouldn't be acting like this. Well, that's interesting, she's perfectly capapble of writing a referral or disciplining the kids and they still act the same way in front of her.

I told the pricipal at the high school that the way things are going right now, I don't think that we will be able to have a concert. I have no support from the community. Every time I have called home people tell me there wasn't a problem until I came along. If i can suspend kids from class and get to the ones that really do want to work, we might still be able to have a concert. But quite frankly, the counselors have torn this program to shreds by putting kids in the class that don't want it for the sake of numbers. Why would you give me kids that don't want to sing and don't want to be there and then blame me that it's not going well? I tried to kick kids out, but I wasn't allowed to. Now I've got them saying they have their quinceanera or other family opbligations or work and they won't be there. I need major support to make this concert happen, but its not fair to me to have to put on crap in front of the community. I'm a good teacher, but I haven't had a chance to let that show.

Then I found out what that other teacher had really done. He had slowly dismantled the full time choir program to the point where he was mainly teaching piano so that he wouldn't have so many performances. I wasnt' ready to teach piano. I've done it, but it's been so hard. He wrote nasty letters saying he was forced out of his job that were published in community newspapers. He burned every bridge there was to burn. He wanted more money--more of a stipend than anyone else plus a salary increase. He let the superintendent of schools have it. He took all of his piano music with him. He didn't leave me a list of community contacts or upcoming concerts. He's used parents and students as messengers to let the administration know that he wanted his job back in November. Most people don't do these kinds of things when they leave a job.

I've been keeping it all in and trying to stay out of trouble as much as possible. But I've been getting all of the blame. I've had to sit through bad reviews that sent me home crying and wondering if I should even continue teaching. Everyone else is going to be fine. The principal is retiring, the community will move on, the school will still be there next year, the Board of Education will still be there.

I'm the one who has been hit the hardest. I'mthe one who had gone home crying after bad reviews. I'm the one with a torn rotator cuff. I'm the one who has to look for a new job next year and I have nothing I can show for that. I'm the one wondering if I should even teach anymore.

The Meeting With The Principal

Thursday was not my lucky day.

I was called in for my review and it was not good. It was bad. It was awful.

I could see the handwriting on the wall when someone from the district office was there for our meeting. I didn't really know what to do at that point.

As we went through my review, I could see all the marks that said needs improvement or unsatisfactory. I don't think I've ever had such a bad review in my life, except for the first one. At least now there were a few marks the said meets or exceeds expectations. I started looking at the next page.

Principal: I'm still on the first page.
MissD: I'm sorry. I was just wondering, if we could skip to the end like a book. Sometimes you want to know what's coming.
Principal: There's a process I have to go through.

With me, because I am the choir teacher, there are things on my review that are rather unexpected. They mentioned low enrollment in the choral program, kids asking for schedule changes, the last choir concert not going very well. Honestly, after the things I have been through, I sort of knew there wouldn't be any chance of recovering. I should have quit. I thought I could overcome. My mistake.

I ended up in tears. There has been so much to overcome. Things that were unexpected, things that weren't made clear, secret expectations I could in no way meet. The guy who left the position spent 10 years building up his program. It was based largely on his personality. How could anyone measure up?

Part of the reason for my sick day was because I am very sick, but the other part is that I have to gather myself up somehow to face my students for the next few months knowing I won't be back.

I would have preferred an impersonal pink slip.

The Mother of All Migraines

Miss D, where were you yesterday?

I was in bed with a migraine. I was seeing tunnels of light and stars. It would have been pretty if it didn't hurt so much.

I've been having strong and frequent migraines since the car accident. Unfortunately, my migraine has turned into a 3 day event, this is day 3. Going to see my doctor for an adjustment to my neck sort of helped, but I was still confused at 1pm, nauseous at 2pm and crying at 4 pm. The janotor brought me water and a choice of alleve and tylenol in those small foil packets. I thanked him profusely. We've forged an odd friendship. Don't tell, but I took all of them.

The stress of the day didn't help. You see, my 3 day event had really bad timing. Grades were due. I was slammed with phone call after phone call. My grades were sent back because I didn't fill them out right. I did my best, but I really could barely think.

I still have to do grades for my other school first thing in the morning. I should have been there yesterday, but sometimes you just CAN'T and that's why there are substitute teachers.

We had a BTSA meeting this afternoon. Other first year teachers go through the same kind of stresses. I felt better knowing that I'm not alone.

The principal wants to see me tomorrow. I hate the sense of dread that goes with that. I feel like I'm in trouble with everyone for something that I could barely help. I'm pretty sure I'll be having to look for a new job for next year.

Principal Search

One of my teacher friends was chosen for the interview committee to find a new principal. She is also the union representative at the high school. I wrote her a little email about some of the things that are important to me in finding a new principal.

Chris,
This is really important. He should be good-looking, single and available. If he is married, he should have some really cool, good-looking friends that he can introduce us to. Actually,he should have lots of single guy friends either way. It's so hard to meet eligible bachelors at work as a teacher. Thanks for looking after our interests.

D

Her reply:

My sentiments exactly!!!